Dear Jane Marion

You looked so beautiful in your first communion dress!  I know it was a hand-me-down, but it looked like it was made for you.   I’m so glad your mom dragged it to Massachusetts so we could get some pretty pictures, because making your First Holy Communion is a really big deal. 

I can only imagine what it is like being the youngest of four very unique and spirited sisters.   You probably get compared to everyone for everything.  But no one compares to you, Jane.  You are equal parts SWEET and SASSY.  Always the first to give a hug, and just as likely to be the first to throw a punch!   So hard to believe with this sweet face, but oh so true!

I can see some of the same traits in Ben, actually, and it’s probably because he’s the youngest too.  So used to being last, having his toys grabbed away by bigger kids, having his ideas trampled on because he’s too little, always being stuck in the back or given the last turn because the bigger kids run the show.

I promise it won’t always be that way.  I don’t think.  You’ll have to ask other ‘last borns’ for confirmation since I only know about being first born.  But I’m pretty sure that when you’re 25 and off in the world somewhere doing something amazing with your life, no one is going to pull your hair and yell “Mommmm!!  Janeeeessssss bugggginnnnnngggg meeeeeeeeee!”

The thing about you and your cousin Ben is that you both have such loving hearts and sweet hugs and kisses!  That’s why it never takes anyone more than five seconds to forgive you when your volcano erupts.    

With a face like this, what’s not to forgive?

Congratulations on making your First Holy Communion Jane. 
You're going to do great in third grade!

We love you!

Dear Corey Elizabeth

I am so sorry we didn’t get to take all the senior pictures we were dreaming of.  But honestly, who needs the ocean in the background when you’ve got the entire Atlantic in your eyes?

You are such a beautiful young lady, inside and out.  

You have a heart like your Nana.  So loving and giving and always looking for ways to help others. 

And like your mother, you have the ability to live in the moment.

You don't wallow in the past.

You don't hold grudges.

(I could use a little of that myself sometimes)

You are such a good sister, daughter, niece, cousin, granddaughter, friend. 

It’s not easy being the oldest, I know. 

Everything you do gets scrutinized under a microscope, and you’re held to a much higher standard than any of your siblings.  I wish I could tell you that will end in 6 weeks when you turn 18.  No such luck!  In fact I can warn you from experience that you'll get to watch when your sisters are allowed to do most of the things you weren’t, go places you weren’t,  and get by with behavior that you weren’t.  Its one of the perks of being born first.

The upside is that when you’re held to a higher standard like that, you tend to have pretty high standards for yourself later in life.  You are more apt to work hard and make good choices because you’re used to not having another option. 

When you’re not used to getting bailed out, you learn to swim. 

And my dear, it looks as if you are poised to dive in and start swimming. 

I hope you enjoy this last year of high school, and remember that although you will face challenges on the road to independence, those challenges have the power to give you strength, wisdom, courage and self-confidence...

...but only if you choose to act with strength, wisdom, courage and self-confidence.

And I know you will.

Love, Auntie Bethy

Crosswalk Rage and Parenting U-Turns

I had a unique experience today that has stuck with me and made me think a bunch.  On our way to return some library videos, I was stuck at a four-way stop in the middle of downtown Naperville.  Twice the cars had gone through around the circle, and twice, I missed my turn.  Four-way stops are tough, because you've got 3 roads and 4 crosswalks, making 11 points of entry to watch out for.  I realized I'd need to be a bit more agressive if I ever wanted to get through this stop.  So on the third go-round, I went!  And halfway through the intersection, people started crossing the crosswalk in front of me from BOTH directions.  Foiled again!  So I stopped mid-way across to let them all go. 

There was an older gentleman with his golden retriever, a group of college students, a rocker chick, and a middle-aged woman.   This woman has the most AWFUL look on her face.  She was grimacing so badly that I was trying to figure out what on earth was wrong with her.  And halfway across the crosswalk, she turned to face me and walked across incredibly slowly, so that I would clearly realize that her look of disdain was for ME!  I was the one who had offended her!   I yielded them the right of way, but I guess not well enough for her, because she made it her mission to walk across the crosswalk as slowly as humanly possible all the while giving me the most SCORNFUL, contempt-filled expression.  Kind of like this... but without the wagging finger.

I eventually gave her a wave of my hand signaling "Okay lady, I see you, I get what you're doing, but we're blocking the intersection here so can you and your sourpuss get a move on?" She shrieked something at me and stalked away.

I couldn't shake her negative energy off all afternoon though, that horrible look was so powerful.  (I even came home and Googled "four way intersection, right of way" to make sure I didn't break any laws -  I hadn't).   And then I got to thinking about last night, at Curriculum Night at school, how Molly's teacher was so flustered and upset in her second session (which I went to) because of a parent in the first session who, during the Q&A portion, read her the riot act for not giving enough homework to her first grader. 

Anyway, 'Scorn Lady' and 'Curriculum Screamer' got me thinking about why people (some more than others) have such an inherent need to judge others.  Some people can't let any offense, any dissatisfaction, any breaking of the rules go.  They feel morally obligated to point out the misdoing.  They MUST either passively or agressively point out to the 'wrongdoer' the error of their ways and many times feel the need to tell others about the percieved wrongdoing as well.   Sometimes people even take stories they weren't even present for - news stories, gossip, tabloids, etc, and repeat it to anyone who will listen.

Why do we do that?!

Because frankly, it stinks.  It might make the judger feel all pompous and self-important for a moment..."Haha!  I have pointed out how you are WRONG and I am RIGHT!!  I am president of RIGHTDOM!  I may not change the world but for one brief moment *I* win by making *YOU* lose!!". 

But it's at the expense of the judgee who gets the brunt of the negative energy.  Some people (like Marc) can shake it off quickly.  But others (like me) can not.

Even though it seems like the people who spend the most time judging others spend the least time applying those judgements to their own lives, they still lose.  Because when we put negative energy out, it's not only that it comes back to us...it consumes us as we're dishing it out.  So we might think we're putting someone else down, but in doing so, we've already put ourselves down.

Of course, if someone is breaking the law, or doing something so wrong as to cause harm to themself or another, others should rightly step in.  I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about petty issues that really don't matter in the grand scheme of life - that the next hour or the next day really won't mean diddly, except for the negative vortex it creates.  Just a big ole stew of bad karma that leaves everyone in it's path feeling vaguely nauseous.  These are the judgements that don't FIX anything.

The WORST PART of all this philosophising?  I realized that 

I'M TOTALLY GUILTY OF IT.

This is horrible.  Awful.  Embarrassing and painful to admit.  But I have developed a habit of doing this the people I love the most.  Particularly my kids.  I've been getting caught in the minutiae, feeling as if it's my parental duty to follow through with some form of disciplinary action every time they goof up.  Usually it's just a verbal reminder..."Clothes go in the hamper, not on the floor!"..."We pick up our toys or else we lose them"... "Food stays in the kitchen"...  So even though there's oodles of love at our house, there's also this constant peppering, all day long, of me correcting them.

But lately, and I'm noticing this in retrospect, I've added a disdainful tone of voice to my 'corrections' so that they have become more like 'admonishings'.   When I say things like...

"I can't BELIEVE you (insert infraction here) AGAIN!!"

"What are you DOING??!!" 

"How could you DO that?!"

"What were you THINKING??!!"

I know why I'm doing this; because I'm sick and tired of asking for the same things over and over and having it fall on deaf ears.   But being disdainful and scornful and condescending, like that woman was to me today, does not get me what I want.  In fact, it gets me something I don't want - bad feelings between me and my kids, and them feeling ashamed, berated and sad.  And me feeling awful.

So it's time to figure out a way to get back to the way things should be, used to be.  And that begins with me.  I've got to catch myself before I ever utter a negative word.  From now on, when I'm feeling like I'm going to blow, instead I'm going to try and picture that woman's contorted, horrible, disdainful face in my mind.  Is that how I want my children to picture me?  Heck, no!

I want them to feel loved and supported, that I'm on their team, that I've got their back.  And when they fail, I want them to know that my arms are there to hug them and my heart is there to love them and my voice is there to guide them.

They are good kids with good hearts and smart minds and I need to remember that and treat them accordingly.  I also need to set up some systems and routines to govern the things that drive me batty,  and I'm working on that.

So thanks, Scorn Lady.  You taught me a valuable lesson today. 

I do not want to be like you.  EVER.

Celebrating Papa

We were lucky to be able to celebrate birthdays on our vacation with some of our very favorite people  in the whole wide world.  Papa's was one of them!  He turned 68 while we were on Cape Cod and we cooked up a clambake for his party.  Marc did an amazing job cooking the steaks, the Lobster Trap did an amazing job cooking the lobsters, and I did a horrible job of cooking the steamers.  Luckily no one cared about the steamers because the lobster and steaks were so amazing.  I made everyone wear a dress code so we could take some family pictures, and I think they turned out really nice!  Marc was in a battle of wills with the grill and didn't make it in the pictures, but he was with us in spirit.

 Love you Dad!

Cape Cod 2011 - Look Off Cottage

So back to VACATION!!  After a week at Nana's house, we headed over the Bourne Bridge for a week Capeside!  We landed the deal of the century off of Homeaway.com and stayed in old Captain's house in Monument Beach, which is a part of Bourne on Buzzards Bay.

The upper cape is close enough to our family and friends and the outer edge on Buzzards Bay is some of the calmest, warmest water you will find on Cape Cod.  Perfect for the kiddos!

The house was AMAZING!!  Totally Cape Cod - OLD Cape Cod, and with so many nooks and crannies that you hardly noticed we had up to 40 visitors at a time.  It was the perfect combinaiton of everything we needed.  It was well maintained and had the amenities we needed, yet also boasted the character and charm I was craving after a year in a midwest McMansion.

But enough words, how about a house tour?!

Meet "Look-Off Cottage"

as she looked long ago

And here she is in 2011...

The front porch was a dream come true, with it's beamed ceilings and view of the harbor. 

The front door is there, but it's been stuck shut for half a century, so to enter we used the back door via the back porch.  Again with the painted beadboard ceiling.  LOVE!

The back porch leads in to the sunroom, which we mainly used for dumping beach gear and shoes
(40 people= a lot of flip flops!)

(Ceiling.  Again.  Love!)

One step up from the sunroom was the door to the kitchen, which was huge and pretty modern, and which housed the kids' favorite part of the entire house...the electric piano!!

There was a breakfast bar for two, an eat-in table for six, and a back stairway leading upstairs (that's what I'm standing on - a hundred years ago this would have been the servant's stairs)

Up the stairs you'll find yourself facing Jack's bedroom.

It was so charming with it's painted antique furniture and quilts aplenty that I wished I could have taken it home with me!  The lady of this house is CRAFTY let me tell you.  That giant bolster that Teddy is sitting on is a total DIY job, and yes, that is a starfish sewn to the end.  What detail!

Jack picked this room because it had the only upstairs TV and the IMac.  He's no dummy!  It also had a trundle bed for cousins!

Diagonally across from Jack's room was the laundry room, and thank goodness for that because we must have gone through 30 towels a day!

The owner had antique washboards hung on the walls - clearly she is a collector of vintage treasures.

Keep walking down the hall and it takes a sharp right turn.

That's a window into the master bathroom on the left.  When you take the corner, you'll find the door.

There were vintage finds and pillows every where you turned! 

Now on to the spa-tastic master bath...

I did manage a relaxing bath or two, but mostly the soaking tub was used to hose children off two at a time, from all the sand they brought back from the beach!

Next to the master was Ben's room.  It was the turret you see in the facade pictures of the house.  His favorite part was that the closet was chock full of the owner's grown son's old toys.  And he was a GI Joe and Star Wars fantatic.  Score!

Across the hall from Ben's room was Molly's room.  Pinkalicious is the key word here.

Crackle-painted bed from heaven, plus a rug I would have rolled up and taken home with me if I didn't think they'd notice.  Is that the perfect shade of pink or what?!  And the bed had a trundle, so she could have sleepovers with her cousins like she always wished for.

At the end of the hallway you come to the front stairs...

With a full bath on the landing.  It reminded me of the Greek Isles with its crisp blue and white.

At the bottom of the stairs, the front door is in front of you and on the right is a bank of window seats overlooking the porch and wrapping around to the kitchen and a full bath.

On the left is the living room

Full of slipcovers and pillows and books, books, BOOKS!!

Walk through the living room and you are led to the dining room

That french door leads back to the kitchen, and on your right is a door leading to the TV room.

Which had it's own full bath.

I'm exhausted from all this touring!!!  But we must push on, because amazingly, there is still MORE.  In the tour upstairs I forgot to mention that just to the right of Molly's bedroom is a door that leads to the third floor.  And it's not just any attic mind you.

This is looking down from the top, over a banister that has not one single balluster the same.  Somebody back in time was a woodworker with creativity!

While Ben and Molly play a game on my iPhone, take a look above them at the telltale golden spines of five DECADES of National Geographic.

Talk about rainy day HEAVEN!!

Here are some of the pages from the oldest ones...

Can you stand it!!?

If you look beyond the other side of the stairwell, you'll find even more to love.

Two attic bedrooms...

The first one has yet another full bath attached, with a cute mini tub and mini pedestal sink.

On the other side of those stained glass windows is the attic living room

With a loveseat, hide-a-bed and a view that is second to none!  Well except maybe for the last room on our house tour....the telescope room!!!  Because of course, no self-respecting sea captain could be without a telescope room!

Tomorrow, I'll show you what he's looking at, but for today, here are a few of the details we grew to love during our stay...

Look-Off Cottage was amazing with all her charms - everyone who crossed her threshold fell in love. 
And amazingly, with all those beds and all those baths, there were a few nights when we broke capacity and had to sleep guests on couches.

Except for maybe adding a few days of R&R at the end to recover from all the fun,
I don't think we'd change a thing!

RECIPE: Turkey Pumpkin Chili

I know I'm still in the thick of summer vacation with my blog posts, but with the weather getting cooler it's the perfect time to start cooking all our favorite yummy fall foods!  I even busted out my crockpot today :)

Here's one of my best, tried and true, always a hit, easy peasy (just a lot of ingredients) cold weather favorites.  Courtesy of my awesome friend Lyn, to whom I owe a debt of gratitude because this is one mother of a recipe and I plan to be known for it when I'm an old lady and everyone wants "Nana Mallett's Chili"!!

Turkey Pumpkin Chili

Terrific chili for a chilly autumn day...or any day really!

1 lb lean ground turkey
¾ cup chopped onions
½ cup chopped green bell peppers
2 cloves garlic, minced
Two 14.5oz. cans diced tomatoes, with liquid
15 oz can pure pumpkin puree
15 oz can kidney beans, with liquid
15 oz can Great Northern beans, with liquid
15 oz can tomato sauce
4 oz can diced green chilies
2 tsp ground chili powder
1½ tsp ground cumin (or more to taste)
1 tsp salt
½ tsp ground black pepper
1½ tsp oregano
½ cup water

Brown meat in a large skillet, drain fat and add to a large pot. Wipe out skillet and sautee onion, bell pepper and garlic until tender. Add to pot with browned turkey. Add all remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Simmer 30 minutes to 1 hour. If chili is too thick, add more water, and adjust seasonings as needed.

Serve with baked tortilla chips, low fat sour cream, sliced green onions and reduced fat cheddar cheese for sprinkling on top!

Two of our favorite things...

Any time you asked the kids, particularly Molly and Ben, what their favorite part of our vacation was, 

they usually answered the same...

MILLI AND CLYDE!!!!

And really, who can blame them?

This is Clyde.

He oozes personality.  He is really good at listening and posing for pictures. 

Particularly if you have a cookie in your hand.

If you have a cookie in your hand?  He will practically recite the ABC's backward in Swahili.

He knows lots of tricks, and loves to show off. 

He does not love to snuggle.

He's got things to do, and sniff, and see.

This is Milli.  She has her own special tricks.

She listens to the beat of her own drummer.

She's all about the snuggling.

This is Milli and Clyde's fan club president.

She is also very cute.

A good listener.

and marches to her own drummer.

She's a good friend too.

She misses her furcousins.