The POWER of MOMS

While I was preparing for our trip to Vegas, a funny thing happened.  It was a perfect case of SERENDIPITY.  See, I'd been trying to attend a Power of Moms retreat for nearly two years now.  They hosted one in New Hampshire TWO WEEKS after we moved to Illinois.  And then they hosted one in Chicago when life made it impossible to attend.

And then I found out by accident that they were going to be in Las Vegas at 

PRECISELY the time I was.

Total Serendipity!

Who would give up a day by the pool with a pitcher of sangria for a conference about how to be a better home manager and mother?

THIS GIRL, THAT'S WHO!!!!

And let me tell you, the retreat was SO much better than a day by the pool (GASP!).  

Because any mother will tell you, that no matter how relaxing and amazing a weekend away is, thirty minutes after you resume your normal life, you are RIGHT BACK in the weeds, because 

escapism does not have

 lasting benefits!

But a retreat?  Where you learn a system designed to manage your everyday life?  And a conference designed to help you create and support a positive family culture where YOUR NEEDS are met along with the needs of your family?

Now THAT is something that can last.

I met so many AMAZING women, including April Perry, founder of Power of Moms and author of the now infamous essay

Your Children Want YOU!!

April told us how she was a frustrated, overwhelmed, frazzled mother of four young children, desperately seeking help.   When she couldn't find a group that could help her in her quest to find balance and community with likeminded women, her husband convinced her to create one.

And her life has been TRANSFORMED.  Now that she's figured it out for herself, she is working to share the system with others because our generation of mothers is so accessible everywhere and at all times because of the marvels of modern technology, we can never BREATHE for fear that they will miss something or drop the ball.  We are virtually ASSAULTED from all directions with the needs of not just their children, but the PTA, church, info marketers, the media, work, volunteer groups, hobby groups, extended family, friends, charities, etc, etc, etc....twenty four hours a day.

April wants us to be WELL.  To be fulfilled.  To be confident in our abilities as we raise our children in a world where the pace of change is oftentimes quicker than we can adapt.  And to do it in a way that keeps us focused on our goals for our families, and in tune with the balance we need personally to make it all work.

And I think she got us off to a great start!

From discipline, to rules, to family culture to allowances to organization to a personal assessment of what *I* need to take care of myself...I came home with tools that WILL make a difference in our lives.

Another amazing woman I had the privilege of meeting was Stephanie Waite, Nevada's 'Young Mother of the Year'. 

Stephanie was the keynote speaker of the event and gave a talk about how life is like ART.  

In art contests, one of the things that judges look for is CONTRAST.  

Are the darks really dark?  Are the lights really bright?  Because otherwise, a painting is just wishy washy.  It's the CONTRAST that makes a piece interesting.

So when we have a child that adds and intense amount of contrast to our lives

(I can imagine one...or more...of those in my house!)

we need to recognize that in that contrast lies the beauty that makes things the most interesting.

If potty training every child was as easy as saying

"Here's a toilet, poop and pee in it"...and they did...

Then where would be the cheering, yelling, clapping, thunderous, foot stomping party when a reluctant potty trainer finally GETS IT???

Because really, aren't the best things in life the ones that you worked for the HARDEST?

Stephanie explained that she came to learn this lesson the hard way herself.  

(Be warned, you're going to need Kleenex soon.)

She showed us this beautiful family picture of herself, her husband and their four young daughters...

photo from http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/

And she explained that although the saying goes "A picture is worth a thousand words",  it's more likely in 2012 that the picture only tells a part of the story.  So many blogs, media images, Facebook photos, would lead us to believe that others have a bliss, a perfection, a stability, a confidence that we can not possibly measure up to.

But the truth is usually far from perfection.  

For example, in that picture, she went on to explain, her children were all on the verge of tears from being deprived of their nap time and bedtime for three days at a family event.  They were freezing cold, worn out, grumpy and grumbling.  Her husband hated all their outfits, but they'd been assigned colors to wear by his mother, who was paying for the portrait, so they really couldn't complain. 

At that moment, Stephanie wished she could be anywhere BUT there.

One week later, she would have given ANYTHING to return to that cold and challenging day.

photo from http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/

Because one week later, her sweet baby, Camille, drowned in their backyard spa.

I totally did not expect to be BAWLING in the middle of a conference with women I barely knew. 

It was a good thing I brought kleenex for my runny nose, because I needed it for my runny eyes.

Talk about a quick and intense dose of PERSPECTIVE.

(yet another thing that makes art, and life, more interesting)

As Stephanie said, 

"Never judge another mother, because she is just painting the canvas of her life 

the way SHE wants to remember it.  And you should too.  Not 'someday'.  You need to do it NOW.  Because you are going to lose your children.  Maybe not to death, like I did, but certainly to TIME."

Jack will never again be nine. 

Molly will never again be six.

Ben will never again be four.

Our children, as they are right this moment, will be gone forever before we know it.  

So I'd better darned well find a way to not sweat the small stuff.  

An appreciation of CONTRAST, 

coupled with a shift in PERSPECTIVE are certainly two keys to doing that.   

Another key speaker at the event was Becky Fife, a Power of Moms trainer who could be the spokesmodel for it (or frankly, for anything.  She's that gorgeous - and TALL!  She practically knelt down to take this picture with me, lol).  

She is an amazing, unflappable mother of six, and man has she got her act together!  She hosted the entire event in her home, which was jaw-droppingly beautiful.  

(I took inspiration pics that will surely find there way on this blog soon enough!)

Becky shared her husband's 20 year old life-size cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan.  He's dragged it everywhere they've ever lived as a reminder that greatness may start as a natural talent, but hard work, focus and determination are needed to reach that talent's full potential.

The reason Becky brought him to the retreat was because she wanted us to realize that even at his PEAK, even during his best season, Michael Jordan only hit, AT BEST, about 50% of his shots.

Imagine if a mother only fed her children 50% of the time.

Or helped them with homework every other day.

Or changed the baby's diaper every two poops.

Or hugged and kissed her kids only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

As moms, we need to sink virtually EVERY basket, and yet when something slips through the cracks (like the birthday party I completely forgot about this past week for two of Ben's buddies)

we beat ourselves up!  When in reality, the fact that most of the plates are spinning without shattering on the floor, should be cause for great celebration!

I think the thing that amazed me most about the retreat, was that it was like an instant bond with these women.  Because with Becky and April leading the charge, it was the most positive, uplifting, caring environment I think I've ever experienced.

I met women who hugged me and showered me with kindness and hospitality like I was their long lost best friend.  Part of that may be because they were LDS (I was the token Catholic, ha!)  Seriously though, have you ever met a grumpy Mormon?  I'm sure they exist, but I have yet to find one.  

But a BIGGER part of it is that we were all deliberate mothers who wanted to learn and grow and share ideas about the most important job we'll ever have.  And we wanted to be good to each other because we know how hard a job it is too.

When I was a marketing exec, I went to career seminars all the time!  But the job of motherhood is one that is seen as something we should all "just know".  And even with one of the most amazing mothers I'd ever met as my OWN mom, I still find that it doesn't come as easy to me now that I'm the one running the show.  I had my act together when we lived in Pembroke, but since moving to Illinois, I haven't completely found my groove.

But now, these ladies and I have a roadmap.  

A roadmap to creating strong families and peaceful households 

where every member is valued and goals are clearly defined.

And I'm on my way to making some changes around these parts to get me, 

and all of us, where we need to be.

A Few Days Away

They call it "Sin City", but for me, it was mostly

"Hang By The Pool City"

"Drink Fruity Beverages City"

"Snuggle up in Bed City"

"Read...and Read...and Read Some More City"

"Eat Delicious Food I Didn't Have 

To Prepare Myself City"

A berry, granola and yogurt parfait and a plate full of yummy fruit

Beignets = Heaven

"Quality Time With My Sweetheart City"

Be So Happy That He's Able to RELAX for the First Time in a Long Time City

Dear Honey, you're really cute :)

"Marvel at the Breathtaking Mountains City"

2

Pinch Myself at the 

Luxury Of the Venetian City

I totally took this picture so I can re-create the look with my hot glue gun.  Not kidding at ALL.

Take Far Too Many Pictures of the Opulent Decor and Landscaping City

"Can't Wait To Get Home To My Kids City"

Bye, Vegas!  It was fun!

Really, the sinning part of Sin City is completely wasted on me!

Not on Marc though - he had loads of fun playing poker and craps.  He even came out even, or maybe a little ahead, which is never a bad thing.  And he got to spend some quality time with his best buds from, well, forever, so that was awesome too.

Adam, Chris, Marc and Jason

I think we were celebrating turning 40, even though we haven't yet.

But any excuse to go to Vegas is a good one in Marc's book.

I was just happy I got to READ a book.  Really, a whole, ENTIRE book, from start to finish.  A totally frivolous slice of fiction that I'd never be able to conquer at home.

It was a great five days, and all thanks to Nannie and Grey, who looked after the kiddos while we were gone.  Can't wait until Deb forwards me the pictures so I can post about all the fun they had while the old ball and chain were out of town!

Oops, I did it again!

Just one too many things piled up...all GOOD things of course, but one too MANY.  And I got a smack down of a cold to remind me why balance is so important.  But you know, sometimes you've just got to tell 'balance' to take a hike and just ride the wave of insanity until it crests and you can breathe again.    Otherwise, how would you enjoy all of THIS in one week...

A fantastic visit from the blonde bombshell known as cousin Melissa.

She really blended in so seamlessly that it was hardly as if we had a visitor at all, just an extra one of 'us'!

The kids were really cheeky toward the end of the week, and she noticed, saying "It's probably because I've been here so long".  That's when I clued her in that this is what they are really like, and now they'd truly accepted her into their wolf pack because they weren't even pretending to be cute and sweet, anymore!

My second stint as an Art Awareness volunteer for Molly's class also came up this week.  My team needed to give a presentation on Paul Cezanne sometime in the third quarter.  We managed to sneak in just under the finish line during the very last HOUR, of the very last DAY, of the quarter.

And if I do say so myself, my Smartboard presentation (which I did all by my ownself!) was rather captivating.

And it worked!!!  Over dinner that night, Molly was able to remember that Cezanne was a...

- Painter from France

- Believed that everything was made of basic shapes like the cone, cylinder or sphere

- Was called the Father of Modern Art because his ideas were a bridge between Impressionism and Modern Art (she might have had a smidgen of coaching on this answer)

- Loved to paint apples

Those apples were the lynchpin of the whole production. My partner Rifqa (pronounced RIV-kuh, she's Palestinian-American by way of Jordan) brought apples to share after the kids used them as inspiration for their art project.  That was the only icebreaker we needed!

We had the kids use oil pastels to color apples and a basket, and then glue the pieces together on spiffy construction paper to create a still life like the ones Cezanne favored.

Wanna know why he favored them?

Of COURSE you do!

Cezanne was such an anal, obsessive, hard core artist, that he had to study his subject for AGES until he finally got it painted on canvas.  No person could ever sit still as long as he needed them to, except for himself, which is why he had over 20 self-portraits to his credit.  But apples, and pears and oranges, would sit still for as long as he wanted.  And even THEN, they would sometimes rot before he'd completed his work.  He didn't even SIGN many of his paintings because he felt he could still 'perfect' them more.

Now that's dedication folks.

As for our budding artists, they LOVED using oil pastels...

Molly sits at a table with Madeleine, Sid and Peyton.  They were a very artistic bunch.

But mostly, they loved the APPLES!!

The kids did a great job, learned some, and had fun too I think.  I know I had a ball, even if I hadn't slept in three nights and was high as a kite on cold drugs.

Then we were finished and school was out for Good Friday!  We said goodbye to Melissa and hello to Party City, to find final supplies for the neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt.  

About two weeks before Easter, my neighbor Kris and I realized that with our neighborhood social director, Nancy, having moved to Maryland, no one else was taking the reigns on making some bunny magic happen, so we threw one together last minute and it was FANTASTIC!!!

40 kids, 800 eggs, one really awesome local park, and a lot of neighborhood spirit.

These were the little guys in the 1-4 age range.  Those 4 year olds cleaned UP!

L-R, Ben, Colin Singer and Mario Valente

The big kids went next...

There were complaints that last year's egg hunt was "too easy" with the eggs laid out in the field at the end of our street.  So this year we moved over to Knoch Knolls park.  We rented the upper grove, which is surrounded by forest.  And we made them go DEEP looking for those eggs, especially the elusive GOLDEN eggs that had actual money in them.  

A buck wrapped around four packs of Smarties?

 They were foaming at the mouth trying to find those!

Geno found one!

While we waited for the sun to go down for our last egg hunt of the day (a flashlight hunt no less!) we perfected roasting S'mores cones on the fire.  You take an ice cream cone, fill it with marshmallows and chocolate chips, roll it in tin foil and toss it on the fire (but not on the actual flames - more on the outskirts in the embers).  After a few minutes, you get ooey gooey goodness in a holdable container that doesn't make a mess (well, at least not as much as a real s'more).

Molly was a fan!

We even got rained on, but the kids were resourceful and took cover in the wood shed.

The moms just got wet.  We didn't melt :)

The kids were sweaty, filthy and exhausted when we rolled them into bed around 9:30 that night, but it didn't stop them from waking at 6:30am yelling

COOKIE CAME!!!  COOKIE BROUGHT US BASKETS!!!  COOKIE WAS HERE!!!!

"Cookie" was the name Ben and Molly gave to the rabbit that lived in our yard last summer.  Conclusions have been jumped to, but everyone is on board that Cookie must be the Easter Bunny because he loves us so much!

Cookie even knew that two little boys in our house had a hankering for Light sabers.

And that a certain little girl at our house had been yearning in earnest for this Heart 4 Hearts doll named Nahji, from India.

After baskets came church, and after church came BRUNCH!

We decided to try Hugos Frog Bar this year.  They had a really nice brunch buffet, though it was a bit crowded.  Frankly, there's no way any brunch EVER would top the Drury Lane brunch we enjoyed with Molly's Irish dancing school, so Hugo's had some stiff competition.  Still, the chocolate-dipped strawberries and endless piles of crisp bacon made the young Malletts very, very happy indeed.

Afterward, we roamed around downtown Naperville to take a few pictures.  We even snuck in a walk on the river walk like last year, much to a certain complaining nine-year-old's dismay.

The tulips were blooming!

Ben took this one - he did a great job!  And even left his thumb in view so we'd know he was there too :)

You can see from the picture above how pleased Jack was with the shenanigans.  That's the theme of his life these days.  If he's not complaining (LOUDLY, and with adjectives)...well, then he's asleep.  But that's another story for another day.

This is the story of how we went home, changed into "comfy clothes" and did....absolutely nothing!  It was GRAND, let me tell you!  of course we missed our friends and family back in Massachusetts, that goes without saying.   But as a Plan B?  Laziness and Comfy Pants on holidays is about as good as it gets.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!