For the last few harried weeks of the Christmas season, I got the gift of learning an important lesson the hard way.
Amazingly, I've been given this gift, and learned this lesson time and time again, and always "the hard way"!
My kids often ask me why some lessons hurt. Like when they fall down and smash their head after I've admonished them to "get down before you hurt yourself!" I tell them that some lessons are learned the easy way. Someone wiser than you tells you the answer and you listen. For example, "never touch a hot stove'. If you listen and follow the advice, you won't get burned. If you choose, as two male children in my house usually do, to test fate yourself, then you may have to learn your lessons the HARD WAY. And more often than not, the hard way HURTS!
My lesson, the one that has hit me over the head like a ton of bricks more than I care to admit is this…
There is a balance that needs to be had in life.
Overextend yourself,
and you risk the whole shebang
blowing up in your face.
I blame my eternal optimism for my consistent ability to assume I can handle more than is actually possible. I think this may be a gender-linked trait, but I only have anecdotal evidence to support that.
Luckily this time, nothing literally blew up in my face, though *I* blew up (in yelling, in tears, in exhaustion) on more than one occasion. In exchange for getting all my projects and commitments completed, I traded sleep, sanity, creativity, and worst of all, my ability to focus properly on the true reason for the season.
We managed to accomplish all the important things of course; we celebrated Advent, we spent time giving to others in need, we entertained and socialized with our friends, we baked like there was no tomorrow, we gave and received gifts. But I'd put myself under such stress, that I didn't enjoy things the way I wanted to. I was the crazy lady with the twitchy right eye, up at 4am night after night to make the house of cards stay standing. I felt rushed, frantic, and even before Christmas had arrived, I was looking forward to the fresh breath of air that the new year would bring.
And finally, here she is.
2012!
It almost looks futuristic even to type it! This is going to be a good year.
Because I intend to keep this lesson I've learned (again) close to my heart.
For the last few years I've picked a theme word as my resolution. One word that describes what I'd like to pervade my year. Last year, it was NURTURE. The year before it was SIMPLIFY. I'd initially felt my theme word for 2012 should be PEACE. That is definitely what I need most in my life, in Marc's and the kids' lives, and in our home. We need to be less rushed, more mindful, kinder and gentler, to ourselves and each other. Peace. That's the one.
Then I read an essay by one of my favorite bloggers that took my notions of PEACE and knocked them on their head. Sarah of Memories on Clover Lane wrote,
"I feel, more than ever, that discipline is the secret to happiness. Whether it's about what you put into your mouth, what comes out of your mouth in the form of words, how much time you waste or spend on certain things, how you spend your money, if and when you do things that are hard to do, if and when you reach your goals---it's all about making choices-many times NOT the ones we would like to make, but the ones where we have to grit our teeth, go against our habits and our desires and our wants and have some major self control. It's not easy. It's not supposed to be. "
It was a major "Aha!" moment for me. Peace may be the result I seek, but DISCIPLINE is the key to unlocking it. Since our big move 16 months ago, and the upheaval of every system I had working for me in our old house, I absolutely admit that my self-discipline has been lacking! And that is what has lead to the current state of affairs. I'm convinced that if I renew my self-control I will be able to accomplish the daily tasks that will ultimately bring renewed peace into our lives. But since saying a word and posting it on my blog or my to-do list doesn't magically make anything happen (I wish!) I need to make a plan.
This part is really for me, so I fully expect that anyone else would be bored to tears by it. But I need to hold myself accountable, so I have to do it.
Consider yourself warned, and feel free to jump ship now!
---- THE PLAN ----
In 2012, I will invite peace and harmony into our lives
by practicing self-discipline in the following five ways;
1. HEALTHY EATING
Part a.
I will stick to the healthy eating plan I know my body needs,
staying away from the temptations that undermine it.
Specifically, I need to lose 20 pounds and I'd like to do it by April.
(see, there's that eternal optimist again!)
How will I do this? By eating as close to 1200 calories a day as I can manage and not snacking after dinnertime. I plan to track this on the MyFitnessPal app on my iPhone. I'm also giving up alcohol until I hit my goal weight. Not even a glass of wine will pass my lips if I can help it.
(Is it terrible that I broke that one already?? I lasted until January 6th! And it was only one Bud 55, I swear! But it was girl's night!)
I can celebrate with a great glass of Prosecco with fresh berries when I've hit my goal this Spring! Once I am halfway to my goal I will add exercise in gradually so as not to incite the wrath of my appetite, which is considerable.
(In case anyone out there thinks my plan is not perfect, I'm okay with that. Marc has already explained in detail how "not optimal" it is. But I've tried his way more than once and failed. And Weight Watchers. And Jenny Craig. And Atkins. And Personal Training. And Running. And Biking. And Sparkpeople. And whole foods. I failed at all of them. And I lost 25 pounds doing it "my way" so I'm going back to it. That is all - getting off my soapbox now)
Part b.
I will cook the healthy meals I know my family needs,
keeping the processed garbage out of the house.
Specifically, I need to incorporate larger quantities of water, fruits, veggies and whole grains into the kids' diets.
How will I do this? By tossing all white pasta, rice and bread in favor of whole grain. We used to eat this way, but gradually, the white stuff has crept in as whining kids refused to eat the brown stuff. This time I'm going to try and hold my ground. I'm also going to prepare a smoothie every morning for myself, and plan to insist that the kids finish their own teeny tiny one with breakfast. And I'm going to go back to making any cookies, brownies or other treats from scratch using healthy substitutions. I'll fill our grocery cart full of food with short ingredient lists. And I plan to sneak fruits and veggies into everything I can think of.
I'm going to pre-pack healthy lunches for all of us, and need to remember to give the kids more protein at breakfast to help them power through their day.
2. FINANCIAL PLAN
Marc and I will design and stick to our financial plan.
I will not undermine it by getting sidetracked by all the pretty displays in stores or online deals that seem too good to pass up.
Specifically, I have set up a separate household checking account with only my budgeted amount transferred into it each week. I plan on going "old school" and keeping a checkbook. When I run out of money, I stop shopping. Period. Bills will be paid from our main checking account, but all household needs; groceries, household goods, clothes, haircuts, gas, dining out, gifts, etc. will need to be paid for out of the household account. I also need to save any overage in the account for household purchases like furniture. In addition, while using store credit cards can save money (I get 5% off all my purchases at Target, woot!), I need to pay them off at the store, immediately after the purchase with money from this account. Period. End of story.
I already know this one is gonna hurt, but it'll be a good hurt, like working out. It'll be like a workout for our bank account, hopefully leaving it with a six pack of money!
Because I know this one is going to be a challenge for me, I've asked Marc to have a "finance committee meeting" with the two of us once a week to go over all of our spending and saving for the prior week, and to have a mini pep-rally for the coming week.
3. TAKING CARE OF MYSELF
I will work on caring for myself so that I can care for others. (I really stink at this)
How will I do this? First, I have to insist on getting the rest I need at night by sticking to an 11pm bedtime. I also need Yoga back in my life. I only have four hours when Ben is in preschool, and sadly, not a single yoga class in the city coordinates with the timing. So I'll have to go at night. But I absolutely have to go. I need to get out and go for a walk every day. Not an excercise walk - a 'fresh air and commune with nature' walk. I also plan on setting aside a block of time each day for 'quiet reading' so the kids and I can gradually build up to 30 minutes of quiet when we read to ourselves.
I need to listen to music more, so I've stocked up on music for the car and downtime at home. And I need to make sure to get to church on Sunday so I can get my weekly fuel-up of faith.
In short,
rest+yoga+fresh air+reading+music+faith=taking care of me
If I can even get three of those accomplished, I'll be better off than I am now.
4. MAKING OUR HOME A HAVEN
Keeping my home an uncluttered and well-organized haven so that family and friends can feel peaceful in it. Heck, so that *I* can feel peaceful in it!
That means that this year we need to improve our storage by installing bookshelves, closet organizers and that we need to tackle once and for all the hot spots in our house
The Office
(especially the filing cabinet and lack of bookshelves)
The Kitchen
(especially the cabinets and drawers that need retrofitting and the junk drawers in the butler's pantry)
My desk
The Garage
and finally, the ultimate…
our basement of horrors !
5. Keep track of the myriad things a mom needs to keep track of; appointments, activities, meal planning, shopping, etc.
I've dropped the ball on some really important things recently. REALLY. IMPORTANT. And for a Class 1A People Pleaser like me, letting others down is the ultimate failure for me. So I'd prefer to avoid it in the new year. I'm still not sure there is a perfect solution, but I'm going to follow some suggestions from the Flylady and see where they take me. Marc and I need synched online calendars for starters. Until I find one I like, I'm sticking with my giant Old School paper calendar as my central command, and will update alerts on my phone each night, and review them each morning, with two alerts for all pickups, drop-offs and items due. That gives me FOUR opportunities to catch a potential miss. I'm sure I'll still drop the ball at some point, but at least I'll feel like I gave it my best shot!
Well, it's 11pm, and my imaginary bedtime alarm is dinging! I just made it!
