A Beach Day in Fall

Oh my heavens have we been having some technical difficulties here.  My trusty Sony Vaio is headed the way of the dinosaurs (currently held together by duct tape and prayers) but I have been desperately working with it to try and finish editing some VIPs, or Very Important Pictures.  Add to that a busy life that never seems to offer me time to blog and well, you have August in November, that's what you have!

There was a special day on Cape Cod that I wasn't able to mention yet, when my awesome college girlfriends and their families joined the party for a day at the beach, and an evening barbecue at Lookoff Cottage.  It was so monumentally awesome that I don't have too many pictures of the fun, except for in my memories.  

We shucked ears upon ears of corn, or COHN as it's called down cape.

Marc's mowhawk power, and Ted's supervision helped power through grilling 40+ burgers, 40+ dogs and any other form of meat they had available on Peapod (because there's no grocery store nearby)

These GLORIOUS caprese kabobs were skewered Jodi, the best sister-in-law that's not my sister-in-law I could ever ask for.  She's a kabob queen!  (and she has ridiculous abs, but I don't hold that against her).

Dessert!

(they don't have Hoodsies in Illinois, we were so excited)

  

Here's my crew!  Debbie, Alex, Missy, yours truly and Shelley

(thanks Missy and Shelley for making me look like I have ridiculous abs...all an illusion, but one I'll enjoy!)

And our minis...

Front row: Jane, Brady, Elisabeth, Ryan, Will,  Drew, Rachael.
Middle Row: Molly and Ben
Back Row: Mia, Emma, Abby, Grace, Sarah, Jack, Mary and JT

At one point on the beach earlier in the day, Phil counted 27 children!  These were the holdouts that made it past sunset.  The Fabulous Fabry family had to hightail it to the hospital, where miss Fiona had just been welcomed into the world.  But not before we tortured sweet Sean into putting his First Communion suit onto his freshly sunburned body and smiling (wincing?) for the camera. 

First, the warm-up act....

Colin, "It's a shame he's such a wallflower" Fabry

Don't you love a guy who's in touch with his serious side too?

Princess Maggie

(with an authentic Irish sparkle in her eye)

And finally, 'tis himself...

Quietly taking directions

His strawberry blond lashes long enough to tickle his freckles.

So handsome in his suit!

This one's from the other angle in case his mother likes his hair better. 

I airbrushed out most of the bright white sunscreen still in his hair Julie!

Aaah!  The money shot! 

Those baby blues look more like the Caribbean than the Atlantic they are so aqua!

Such a good kid, that Sean Paul Fabry.

Smart as a whip, kind as can be, a heart of gold,

and a feisty little brother and sister to always keep things interesting.

What more could you ask for?

It was a perfect day!  So perfect that I hardly remember the frantic search for my car keys (Deb and Eileen), the couch vomit (Molly), the lost blankie (Mia), the bawling-crying-hyperventilating homesickness (Sarah), the buckets upon buckets of sand in places sand should not be, or the twentyeleven towels to wash.

Yep.  A perfect, Cape Cod beach day.

Nannie's Beach

After bidding farewell to beautiful Cape Cod, we headed north, toward one of our favorite beaches anywhere, and some of our favorite people anywhere.  We'd snuck up to Revere in our first week back in Massachusetts, but now we could settle in, relax and spend some time with Marc's family.  This last leg of our vacation journey was a busy one, best remembered in what else?  Pictures!!

Click here to view these pictures larger

Dear Sarah Anne

Thank you for obliging your obnoxious auntie and her camera. 

I can see from the expression on your face how thrilled you were!

I know you hated wearing that dress last year at your First Communion, and that putting it on again, even for 'pretend', was like putting on a cape made of fire ants.

So thank you for gritting your teeth and bearing it.

I love how the green nailpolish gives a little clue that underneath that sweet dress, you're a total rocker chick!

That behind this sweet smile is a mind racing a thousand miles an hour putting together your future television show, with elaborate choreography and amazing music. 
Not to mention the scripts for commercials that air in between shots of you rocking out and just being fabulously famous. 

Someday, maybe you'll have a daughter just like you, and you can explain to her that sometimes, when you really love someone, you wear dresses made of fire ants to please them.

Because you can look like an angel for the record books...

As long as you keep your ripped jeans on underneath to remind you who you really are.

I love you beautiful girl!
Including the pop-goth, jingle-loving, alternative-hipster superstar inside the pretty dress.

Dear Jane Marion

You looked so beautiful in your first communion dress!  I know it was a hand-me-down, but it looked like it was made for you.   I’m so glad your mom dragged it to Massachusetts so we could get some pretty pictures, because making your First Holy Communion is a really big deal. 

I can only imagine what it is like being the youngest of four very unique and spirited sisters.   You probably get compared to everyone for everything.  But no one compares to you, Jane.  You are equal parts SWEET and SASSY.  Always the first to give a hug, and just as likely to be the first to throw a punch!   So hard to believe with this sweet face, but oh so true!

I can see some of the same traits in Ben, actually, and it’s probably because he’s the youngest too.  So used to being last, having his toys grabbed away by bigger kids, having his ideas trampled on because he’s too little, always being stuck in the back or given the last turn because the bigger kids run the show.

I promise it won’t always be that way.  I don’t think.  You’ll have to ask other ‘last borns’ for confirmation since I only know about being first born.  But I’m pretty sure that when you’re 25 and off in the world somewhere doing something amazing with your life, no one is going to pull your hair and yell “Mommmm!!  Janeeeessssss bugggginnnnnngggg meeeeeeeeee!”

The thing about you and your cousin Ben is that you both have such loving hearts and sweet hugs and kisses!  That’s why it never takes anyone more than five seconds to forgive you when your volcano erupts.    

With a face like this, what’s not to forgive?

Congratulations on making your First Holy Communion Jane. 
You're going to do great in third grade!

We love you!

Dear Corey Elizabeth

I am so sorry we didn’t get to take all the senior pictures we were dreaming of.  But honestly, who needs the ocean in the background when you’ve got the entire Atlantic in your eyes?

You are such a beautiful young lady, inside and out.  

You have a heart like your Nana.  So loving and giving and always looking for ways to help others. 

And like your mother, you have the ability to live in the moment.

You don't wallow in the past.

You don't hold grudges.

(I could use a little of that myself sometimes)

You are such a good sister, daughter, niece, cousin, granddaughter, friend. 

It’s not easy being the oldest, I know. 

Everything you do gets scrutinized under a microscope, and you’re held to a much higher standard than any of your siblings.  I wish I could tell you that will end in 6 weeks when you turn 18.  No such luck!  In fact I can warn you from experience that you'll get to watch when your sisters are allowed to do most of the things you weren’t, go places you weren’t,  and get by with behavior that you weren’t.  Its one of the perks of being born first.

The upside is that when you’re held to a higher standard like that, you tend to have pretty high standards for yourself later in life.  You are more apt to work hard and make good choices because you’re used to not having another option. 

When you’re not used to getting bailed out, you learn to swim. 

And my dear, it looks as if you are poised to dive in and start swimming. 

I hope you enjoy this last year of high school, and remember that although you will face challenges on the road to independence, those challenges have the power to give you strength, wisdom, courage and self-confidence...

...but only if you choose to act with strength, wisdom, courage and self-confidence.

And I know you will.

Love, Auntie Bethy

Crosswalk Rage and Parenting U-Turns

I had a unique experience today that has stuck with me and made me think a bunch.  On our way to return some library videos, I was stuck at a four-way stop in the middle of downtown Naperville.  Twice the cars had gone through around the circle, and twice, I missed my turn.  Four-way stops are tough, because you've got 3 roads and 4 crosswalks, making 11 points of entry to watch out for.  I realized I'd need to be a bit more agressive if I ever wanted to get through this stop.  So on the third go-round, I went!  And halfway through the intersection, people started crossing the crosswalk in front of me from BOTH directions.  Foiled again!  So I stopped mid-way across to let them all go. 

There was an older gentleman with his golden retriever, a group of college students, a rocker chick, and a middle-aged woman.   This woman has the most AWFUL look on her face.  She was grimacing so badly that I was trying to figure out what on earth was wrong with her.  And halfway across the crosswalk, she turned to face me and walked across incredibly slowly, so that I would clearly realize that her look of disdain was for ME!  I was the one who had offended her!   I yielded them the right of way, but I guess not well enough for her, because she made it her mission to walk across the crosswalk as slowly as humanly possible all the while giving me the most SCORNFUL, contempt-filled expression.  Kind of like this... but without the wagging finger.

I eventually gave her a wave of my hand signaling "Okay lady, I see you, I get what you're doing, but we're blocking the intersection here so can you and your sourpuss get a move on?" She shrieked something at me and stalked away.

I couldn't shake her negative energy off all afternoon though, that horrible look was so powerful.  (I even came home and Googled "four way intersection, right of way" to make sure I didn't break any laws -  I hadn't).   And then I got to thinking about last night, at Curriculum Night at school, how Molly's teacher was so flustered and upset in her second session (which I went to) because of a parent in the first session who, during the Q&A portion, read her the riot act for not giving enough homework to her first grader. 

Anyway, 'Scorn Lady' and 'Curriculum Screamer' got me thinking about why people (some more than others) have such an inherent need to judge others.  Some people can't let any offense, any dissatisfaction, any breaking of the rules go.  They feel morally obligated to point out the misdoing.  They MUST either passively or agressively point out to the 'wrongdoer' the error of their ways and many times feel the need to tell others about the percieved wrongdoing as well.   Sometimes people even take stories they weren't even present for - news stories, gossip, tabloids, etc, and repeat it to anyone who will listen.

Why do we do that?!

Because frankly, it stinks.  It might make the judger feel all pompous and self-important for a moment..."Haha!  I have pointed out how you are WRONG and I am RIGHT!!  I am president of RIGHTDOM!  I may not change the world but for one brief moment *I* win by making *YOU* lose!!". 

But it's at the expense of the judgee who gets the brunt of the negative energy.  Some people (like Marc) can shake it off quickly.  But others (like me) can not.

Even though it seems like the people who spend the most time judging others spend the least time applying those judgements to their own lives, they still lose.  Because when we put negative energy out, it's not only that it comes back to us...it consumes us as we're dishing it out.  So we might think we're putting someone else down, but in doing so, we've already put ourselves down.

Of course, if someone is breaking the law, or doing something so wrong as to cause harm to themself or another, others should rightly step in.  I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about petty issues that really don't matter in the grand scheme of life - that the next hour or the next day really won't mean diddly, except for the negative vortex it creates.  Just a big ole stew of bad karma that leaves everyone in it's path feeling vaguely nauseous.  These are the judgements that don't FIX anything.

The WORST PART of all this philosophising?  I realized that 

I'M TOTALLY GUILTY OF IT.

This is horrible.  Awful.  Embarrassing and painful to admit.  But I have developed a habit of doing this the people I love the most.  Particularly my kids.  I've been getting caught in the minutiae, feeling as if it's my parental duty to follow through with some form of disciplinary action every time they goof up.  Usually it's just a verbal reminder..."Clothes go in the hamper, not on the floor!"..."We pick up our toys or else we lose them"... "Food stays in the kitchen"...  So even though there's oodles of love at our house, there's also this constant peppering, all day long, of me correcting them.

But lately, and I'm noticing this in retrospect, I've added a disdainful tone of voice to my 'corrections' so that they have become more like 'admonishings'.   When I say things like...

"I can't BELIEVE you (insert infraction here) AGAIN!!"

"What are you DOING??!!" 

"How could you DO that?!"

"What were you THINKING??!!"

I know why I'm doing this; because I'm sick and tired of asking for the same things over and over and having it fall on deaf ears.   But being disdainful and scornful and condescending, like that woman was to me today, does not get me what I want.  In fact, it gets me something I don't want - bad feelings between me and my kids, and them feeling ashamed, berated and sad.  And me feeling awful.

So it's time to figure out a way to get back to the way things should be, used to be.  And that begins with me.  I've got to catch myself before I ever utter a negative word.  From now on, when I'm feeling like I'm going to blow, instead I'm going to try and picture that woman's contorted, horrible, disdainful face in my mind.  Is that how I want my children to picture me?  Heck, no!

I want them to feel loved and supported, that I'm on their team, that I've got their back.  And when they fail, I want them to know that my arms are there to hug them and my heart is there to love them and my voice is there to guide them.

They are good kids with good hearts and smart minds and I need to remember that and treat them accordingly.  I also need to set up some systems and routines to govern the things that drive me batty,  and I'm working on that.

So thanks, Scorn Lady.  You taught me a valuable lesson today. 

I do not want to be like you.  EVER.

Celebrating Papa

We were lucky to be able to celebrate birthdays on our vacation with some of our very favorite people  in the whole wide world.  Papa's was one of them!  He turned 68 while we were on Cape Cod and we cooked up a clambake for his party.  Marc did an amazing job cooking the steaks, the Lobster Trap did an amazing job cooking the lobsters, and I did a horrible job of cooking the steamers.  Luckily no one cared about the steamers because the lobster and steaks were so amazing.  I made everyone wear a dress code so we could take some family pictures, and I think they turned out really nice!  Marc was in a battle of wills with the grill and didn't make it in the pictures, but he was with us in spirit.

 Love you Dad!