I've been meaning to blog about this for the longest time, because it's become such an important part of our lives at home. It's something that is woven into the very fabric of our days.
It's called MALLETT MONEY.
And it's been nothing short of miraculous.
Before I was a parent, I had this great ideology that unlike the children of my own generation, who were parented by the "Because I said so" mentality, I would raise my children in an environment of mutual respect and understanding. When my kids asked WHY they needed to do something, or WHY a certain rule was in place or WHY they had to behave a certain way, I would give them an honest answer, and they would understand and comply.
Because we would RESPECT each other.
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I know. It's HILARIOUS in retrospect. But you live and you learn, right? Needless to say, it didn't take many years of parenthood to turn my ideology right on it's head.
One of my children usually does what is asked of her not because of our mutual respect, but because it's in her nature to be helpful and easygoing and aim to please those around her. Two of my children have no desire whatsoever to be easygoing, or helpful, and they don't aim to please anyone but themselves. This is in their nature as well. I'm sure because I've done just about everything to CHANGE their nature and had no long term success.
So forget about "mutual respect".
Blatant bribery has become the name of the game.
And honestly, when you think about it...who does ANYTHING for nothing? Virtually every good and decent thing we humans do in our lives, can be boiled down to the perception that the effort we are exerting will result in a positive gain for numero uno.
We work....for money.
We volunteer....because it makes us feel good.
We exercise....to be strong and healthy and feel great.
We go to church...to fill ourselves with all the goodness faith and religion bring
We follow the laws of our society....
to keep our freedom and stay out of "The Pokey" as my Nana called it.
There really isn't much 100% altruism out there, no matter how much we tell ourselves there is.
So why should we expect our kids, the little Neanderthals who are wired with a ME, ME, ME!! mentality, to do anything they don't want to, unless they percieve that they are receiving something
positive in return?
With this more realistic mindset, I set out to devise an incentive plan to encourage the kids to behave in the way Marc and I desperately want them to. My requirements were pretty far reaching.
A successful plan would have to...
Be understandable to my 3 year old, but still relevant to my 9 year old
Provide the instant gratification of an immediate reward, yet teach the value of long term saving
Require little to no work on my part save for the initial investment and drive the children to perpetuate the system on their own
Provide the opportunity to solve our hot button issues and teach them the lessons we want them to learn, like;
- The satisfaction of EARNING things
The value of SAVING
The importance of sharing in HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITY (i.e. chores)
The ENCOURAGEMENT to do things that are good for them but that they don't find as thrilling as say, whining for more screen time. For example, drink more water, call relatives on the telephone, write letters, practice math and reading skills, etc.
There are as many great ideas for discipline/responsibility systems as there are blogs on the internet, so there was plenty of inspiration to be had.
These
Chore Magnets from Etsy are adorable!
But I have three kids to organize and need separate, age-appropriate chores for each of them.
I liked these color-coded Chore 'Sticks' with Personalized Jars
But sticks and Mallett boys are not a match made in heaven, unless 'heaven' is one giant swordfight.
I found this Customizeable Chore Chart for Multiple Children
This was getting closer! But EGADS!! Look at all the variables to keep track of here. I don't want to have to deal with loading and reloading that puppy - I need SIMPLE.
I also need to weave in more than just chores - I need values-based goals as well.
This Melissa and Doug chart does just that, with labels like SHARE and TAKE CARE OF ME
But I know my kids...those terms are just not specific enough and there would be daily battles over what consituted success.
Continuing with the values theme, these jars from
My Greenbrae Cottage are Good Deed Jars, similar to the pebble jars used by Jack's first grade teacher, Ms. Montanez. I saw firsthand how much of an impact that jar made on his class, and when Jack was younger, we tried something like it.
But saving up a whole jar is just too much to ask of younger kids. By the time a reward is gained, the reason behind it is forgotten! Hence the need for instant gratification
So what's a mom to do?
In the end, I used bits and pieces of ideas from all of these and many other places. Books I've read, moms I've talked with, stuff I've made up in my own head after countless hours of banging it against a wall...
The idea I kept coming back to over and over was a play on an incentive program at Jack and Molly's school. Teachers, the Principal, the 'Lunch Ladies', really all the people in charge...give out "Blizzard Bucks" for any behavior they want to encourage in the children. During the year, the kids can trade their Blizzard Bucks in for all manner of things. For 100, they can drink any beverage of choice in class. For 500, they can get an extra recess for their entire class. For 200, they can sit in the teacher's chair for a day.
The kids fall all over themselves trying to get blizzard bucks. But the reason they work so well is because they aren't hard to earn! It's as easy as following the daily routines of the classroom. Simply do what is expected and you are rewarded. Do MORE than what is expected and you are rewarded even MORE. It's a simple system, but it works!
Being a business-savvy girl, I wanted to piggyback on this idea, to avoid having to do all the marketing and branding myself!
This is how
MALLETT BUCKS
were born.
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| Recognize that cute family in the middle? |
The kids do the things they know we want them to do, and they earn Mallett Bucks. Right then, right there, no chart needed. And they can cash them in right then, right there, no chart needed.
It's all spelled out in the rules, which are posted in the mudroom for us to see every day.
The REWARDS are also posted right there, and some of the rewards are dangled right in their faces inside those cheerful jars.
If they don't spend them immediately, the kids each have a clip on my bulletin board, where they can save them.
I keep the bankroll in my desk caddy, and when the kids show me that they've earned their bucks, they are allowed to take them from here. I've never once had a buck stolen - though a certain seven year old confessed that she tried to but couldn't go through with it!
So, how do you earn Mallett Money?
To earn Mallett Money, simply pick a job from the JOBS list, where I put everything that the kids give me a hard time about AND everything that *I* give the kids a hard time about!
I wanted to keep things positive, and kid-driven, so instead of giving out mandatory chores, I left it up to them to choose how hard they wanted to work, and how much they wanted to earn.
What about the REWARDS?
On the REWARDS list, I put anything and everything that the kids beg and whine for.
"Can I just have FIVE more minutes of TV mom, please?"
"Can I have a cookie?"
"I'm not tired, can I stay up just a little longer?"
"I'm SOOO tired, I just can't get up for school!"
"I don't like spaghetti! I want WAFFLES!"
Usually, demands and requests like those ellicit a dismissive HECK NO from Marc and I, which instantly makes US the bad guys. The beauty of the Mallett Money system now puts the onus back on the KIDS!
"Oh, you want that? Well, how much Mallett Money does it cost? And how much do you have?"
I think my favoite part of the system
is the Reward Jars.
I'm seriously obsessed with these cheese ball jars from Target. I only buy them for parties, but then I hoard them and find new uses for them! In this case, they became our Mallett Money Reward Jars. I wanted to have something immediate and tangible for them to trade their Mallett Money for, in addition to the list on the wall.
But the GENIUS IDEA that I'm so proud of
is what's inside them.
This is the $1 jar.
Ever wonder what to do with all that leftover HALLOWEEN CANDY?
Leftover EASTER CANDY?
Junky FAVOR BAG CANDY from birthday parties??
Well, mine now has a destination.
Any time my kids get candy for a special occasion or holiday, I let them stuff their face a little. I have a heart after all, and I'm not the kind of mom who is ever going to outright ban anything, because at least for my kids, that's a surefire way to ignite an unhealthy obsession. But eventually they walk away from the candy (surprisingly after eating far less than I would have guessed) and then, it's ALL MINE! Into the jar it goes, and if they want it, they've got to earn it.
This is the $5 jar.
Bigger candy goes in the $5 jar, like the big Tootsie Pops, or the coveted blue gumballs we took home from Cameron's birthday bash in Februrary. There are also things on the kids "I've gotta have..." list; mechanical pencils, fun erasers, cheapo plastic jewelry, party favors, etc. though once in a while when I'm trying to kickstart some chore-doing, I'll throw in something special like some Target gift coins.
This is the $10 jar.
These rewards are all worth about a dollar, since one Mallett Buck equals a dime, and ten equals a dollar. The beauty of the ten buck jar is that when the kids start asking for things at the checkout counter, I know I've got bait that I can use to my advantage. I never let them see me buy it, because they know my standard answer is always "NO, it's not on our list." But they are always surprised and elated when it magically shows up in the ten buck jar.
When the jar is low like it is right now, I can take the kids to the dollar store and let them each pick out five things they want. That seems to pre-empt the greed that seems to overwhelm them at the checkout counter, and it gives me a bucket full of stuff that they will bend over backwards to earn.
I do everything in my power to never give them
'something for nothing'.
Instead, if they want it, they've got to earn it.
Once the system was up and running, it nearly eliminated all the times when I just gave in; because they asked nicely, or whined horribly, or I was having a weak moment, or they are just so darn cute who can say no?, or they are just so darn awful and I need forty more seconds of silence to get checked out so please, dear Lord let this pack of gum be the magic potion that silences the beasts until I can escape!
So, cute repurposed jars, and homemade monopoly money aside,
DOES IT WORK?
The short answer is HECK YEAH!!!!
Ben uses the system perfectly for his 3 and 4 year old self.
He earns his money one dollar at a time for little things,
and promptly blows each dollar as it comes on a dum-dum.
Instant gratification is the name of his game, and this system gives that to him.
Molly uses the system perfectly for her 5 and 6 year old self.
She earns money in ones and twos and threes, and sometimes fives...and while she indulges in instant gratification more often than not, she does employ self-control when the ten buck jar has something she wanted. She even saved enough money to get a manicure!
She is learning the value of earning things, and the self-control it takes to save.
And this system gives her that.
And Jack uses the system more than perfectly for his 8 and 9 year old self.
He goes up and down the chore list doing as many high dollar chores as he can muster. He has saved and saved, and loves to spend his hard earned bucks on dinner and a movie with dad. He even saved enough to bring a friend along once and has practically cleaned out the bank at times.
He is perfecting the self-control it takes to save for what he wants.
And this system gives that to him.
One of the best indicators of success was when I had three neighborhood boys sitting in my family room, drinking water and reading books with my own kids, trying to earn Mallett Bucks for themselves.
So the lessons are being learned, absolutely.
The chores and responsibilities are being done without complaint.
The kids are thoroughly enjoying the fruits of their labor.
And Marc and I are free from the guilt of always having to say NO
And instead being able to say YES.
Yes to rewards.
Yes to positive discipline.
Yes to the results we'd been seeking.
YES TO SUCCESS!
