RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: Even More Awesome Words We Made Up!:
"Spittin' Cherry Pits: (adjectives) Inspired by The Witches of Eastwick; also known as MoonBat Crazy. Condition that arises when...you become Crazy with a capital 'C'. Consists of making random unenforceable threats to your children or husband ('I swear to all that is holy in this world if you don't stop hitting your sister I'm going to walk down the street and give every single one of your toys to the starving children of Haiti!') Most commonly referenced during the confession-hour with your friends, as when Lydia says, 'Everything was fine until I turned off the Wii, the kids melted down, the dog threw up, dinner burnt and I went completely Spittin' Cherry Pits MoonBat Crazy."
I am so, so guilty of the 'starving children' bit with regard to food not being eaten. But the scary thing is, I MEAN IT! When I say it, I am legitimately ill over the starving children in Africa/Haiti/Appalachia and feeling like a big, fat, gluttonous, American pig, throwing food away that would feed a whole village in Zimbabwe or something. I want so much to make my children feel that ache, that I threaten things that if I were rational, I would realize were impossible to follow through on.
Yogurt in particular drives me Moonbat Crazy - once you peel the foil top off, once they take that teeny tiny bite and then feign fullness, you can't save it because it's got gross mouth germs in it! You have to toss it or else it'll grow bacteria and you'll give the kids botulism when you stick it in front of them the next day!!
This is why I am going to figure out a way to make them eat homemade yogurt. I have already purchased a yogurtmaker and have actually made my very own organic yogurt. Yes, yes I did pat myself on the back for that one. Not for long though, because the children refused to eat it when it didn't taste like "Roarin' Berry" or "Cotton Candy". I have spent inordinate amounts of time trying to find suitable flavorings, to no avail. I finally had the grand idea of turning it into yogurt PARFAITS like the ones we had at the swanky Hotel Monaco last winter when my brother and sister in law got married. They had nuts and berries and yummy brown sugar - delicious!
But then the little guy got diagnosed with a tree nut allergy.
You just can't win sometimes! Sometimes you just have to open your door and let the Trix rabbit in so he can send your kids on a trip to happiness while you pretend that the yogurt cultures and beneficial bacteria make up for the high fructose corn syrup and colorful food dyes and "natural flavors" (heavy on the air quotes).
No wonder I'm Moonbat Crazy!
1 comment:
Just about the best post ever. :) Found myself nodding along, then saying, "yes!" out loud, until finally at the end there was a "Hallelujah, Beth!!!"
I think we're all a bit Moonbat Crazy. It's what makes us fun moms!
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