What I want to say to Ben's Kindergarten Teacher

This is the email Ben's kindergarten teacher sent me on Friday...

Good Afternoon,

Ben had a very challenging day at school today. He was unable to follow directions and needed multiple reminders to do simple tasks. He also had a hard time not distracting himself and the students around him during whole group time. Ben became argumentative with me when I talked with him about his behavior. Due to his behavior, he had to sit out of free choice time. During that time, he began kicking the table multiple times, banging his fists on the table, throwing his supply box on the ground, turning folders upside down to dump things out and tearing his name tag off of this spot. I spoke with him about how it is okay to feel upset or angry but there are different ways to handle those feelings. Thank you for taking some time to speak with Ben about his behavior. I appreciate your support at home. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thank you.

Mrs. Macchiarella

This is the email I wanted to send back to her.

Good Morning,

Thank you for letting us know that Ben had a tough day on Friday.  We are disappointed in his poor behavior.  After two straight months of positive daily reports, this is clearly not the norm for Ben.  It was of course not acceptable, and we have spoken to him about it.  We don't expect it to continue and would appreciate you letting us know if it does.

Now that you mention it, I do have some questions for you;

• Do you realize that Ben is just SIX years old?
• Do you have any concept of what normal behavior is for a six year old boy?
• Did you notice that due to the bitter cold this week, the kids were trapped indoors for recess four out of five days?  
• Do you think that may have contributed to the problem?
• Could you maybe have sensed that he needed some physical activity and sent him on a walk to the office to fetch you something, or to get a drink of water?
• Did you think that maybe he was hungry?  
• Could you have reminded him to eat his snack?
• Speaking of snacks, have you ever heard of a 'compliment sandwich'?
• Do you realize that you have not said ONE POSITIVE THING about our son to us?  Not even at teacher conferences.  Not in emails.  Not EVER.
• Do you realize that thanking us for our cooperation with your plan without ever ASKING us for our cooperation with your plan is just plain disrespectful and condescending?
• Have you noticed that Ben has regressed in his handwriting and reading skills since he has been in your class?  
• Do you know how worried this makes us?
• Do you know how much Ben LOVED school before he got to your class, and how much he doesn't anymore?  
• Do you know how much that breaks our hearts as his parents?
• Do you even like our kid?

Mrs. Macchiarella, as the adult in charge of our son for six hours of his day, it would be incredibly helpful to us if you could try to throw a little more encouragement his way.  A little acknowledgement of the amazing turnaround in his behavior after a very rocky start to kindergarten.  A 'few kind words letting us know that our child is not JUST a bother to you and your classroom.  Some evidence that you DO see his strengths and that you do enjoy being his teacher would reassure us that we have sent him to a place where he can grow and thrive instead of a place where he is expected to sit still and follow directions.

It takes a very determined person to juggle a pregnancy, masters degree studies, and a kindergarten classroom with a high student-teacher ratio all at the same time.   I understand it is not easy,and that as in all things, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so of course you are more likely to document the negative behaviors when they crop up.  

But it's also not easy being six years old.

Please take a little more care with our boy.  He means the world to us.  Soon you will have your own baby in your arms and you will understand.  You can't possibly fathom right now, because you haven't crossed the bridge yet.  The bridge into parenthood takes you to a world bursting in technicolor, when you had no idea you were living in black and white.

Once you cross that bridge, your heart is forever changed and far more tender than you could ever imagine.  So please try to show a little more empathy and kindness to this sweet boy who clearly needed it last Friday.  Or maybe take maternity leave early and give the kids a shot with a sub who can.  

Sincerely,

The mom who is totally NOT baking you Christmas cookies this year.