Ben's New Teacher

Ben was an epic bonehead in school on Friday.  Among other things, he got kicked out of Music class and was made to sit in the hallway.  Who gets kicked out of MUSIC????  The tantrums have continued all weekend, and it feels like he is three years old all over again.  This is the email his teacher sent home, after Ben threw away the note she put in his backpack so I wouldn't see it.

"I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news on a Friday, but my friend Ben had a really rough day.  By 10:00 this morning he moved his clip down to red and needed a note home.  He has been very disrespectful today;  interrupting, talking our of turn, arguing, and not following directions on multiple occasions.  Mr. Duym even had to have him sit in the hallway this afternoon because of his outbursts.  I wrote you a note about it and put it in his folder, but he chose to remove it, and would not tell me where he put it.

I would really appreciate it if you would talk to him over the weekend about being more respectful to his teachers.

We'll start out fresh next week and see how things go!  :)
Thanks so much,
Amy

Wow.  My kid may be a bonehead, but he got a winner of a teacher this year!   His kindergarten teacher was a total nightmare, but this makes me feel that this year the pendulum may swing the other way.  This is the note I sent back...

Mrs. Baumgartner,

First off, I can’t thank you enough for this amazingly kind and empathetic note.  Having two boys who are both socially/emotionally immature, yet stubborn as oxes, I have received a lifetime’s worth of teachers notes and emails home about behavior that does not meet expectations, and this email is should be a benchmark for how teachers let parents know that their kid was behaving badly.

We know Ben has a REALLY hard time managing himself sometimes, and I can only imagine the kind of crash and burn you witnessed.  It’s rarely pretty, and it’s usually disruptive, and many times it’s like a freight train that’s out of control.  He’s melted down twice this weekend already, and the tantrums were epic.  This is what happens when he gets to the end of his rope, and five days in school this past week pushed him to that point.

I wish I could tell you it won’t happen again, but based on history, it probably will.  I can tell you that my husband and I go above and beyond to try and give Ben the tools he needs to succeed in school, and in life, but that in the moment, when the choice is up to him and he doesn’t want to obey a rule, or a teacher, or a policy, he’s obstinate enough to make the wrong choice repeatedly, until he gets it through his thick head that an undesirable consequence is the consistent result.

I have talked with Ben about his choices on Friday and he knows we expect better of him.  That even if he disagrees with something, he still has to be respectful and kind to his teachers and classmates.  That it’s his responsibility to behave himself in school.  And though we’ve let this bad day be a learning experience, he knows that if it happens again, there will be loss of privileges at home as a consequence until he corrects his behavior. 

Thanks so much for following up with me.  I will keep a close eye on his calendar this week to make sure there isn’t a repeat performance. 

Now I will cross my fingers and hope and pray that Ben manages to pull himself together this week, and stops acting like a 3 year old mistakenly stuck in  1st grade.