As my last post reminded me, it sure is easy to get sidelined by the negatives of a big move like the one we're taking on. Probably because of the surprise nature of some of these issues and my inability to control them, the control freak in me is rising up to shake my fist at the universe! But in the end, I have got to remember that getting bogged down by these issues is only going to make me miserable, and that will have a trickle-down effect on the rest of the family.
Of course a good cry is in order every now and again, even for a person who doesn't consider herself a crier. Forging ahead on the road less traveled requires some leaving behind. For some things this is GOOD and I need to remind myself of this! The stairs in our split level, it's teeny tiny rooms and 1970s-style layout, the neighborhood with few stay at home moms with little ones like mine, a husband who was not satisfied with his job...I will be profoundly grateful to leave these things behind!
For other things, things we love, it's hard to say goodbye. The friends we've made here, the home we've spent the last 8 years renovating, our awesome back yard, our close knit families and yes, even half day kindergarten. This is the yin to go with the yang, the cost for the benefit, the bitter for the sweet.
In the end, we chose to take this opportunity because it presented us with three awesome benefits, and that is what I need to remember when I'm feeling low.
1. An incredible, amazing, job of a lifetime for my other half. It will challenge him, enthuse him and enrich all of our lives. And that has nothing to do with finances - it has to do with feeling valued and committed and useful and content...and it has a trickle down effect on everyone involved.
2. An all expenses paid trip to see the US! I've always wanted to travel, to see other parts of this great country of ours, to meet folks from outside the Massachusetts bubble I've lived in all my life. In a depressed real estate market, to have a company offer you relocation assistance that takes care of virtually every challenge we'd face is FANTASTIC!
3. The opportunity to live near my brother and sister in law, who I've always wanted to be closer to. :) For us to be able to grow our families right down the road from each other is a blessing I never thought I'd experience! What a wish granted!
I am completely convinced that this whole adventure was orchestrated by a higher power for us - the signs have been too many and too clear. And even though the control freak in me wants to try and be in charge, I need to remember that He is in charge, and He won't let us down. He has amazing things planned for us and we just need to TRUST that all will be as it should.
Deep breath. Aaaah, that's better!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Dashing Expectations and the Full Day/Half Day Debate
It comes down to this - when you have certain expectations, and then they prove to be false, it's MUCH harder to cope with them, than if correct expectations were there in the first place.
Or maybe that's just me?
Had I known ahead of time how challenging the house hunt would prove, I would have been able to steel myself for it and make the best of it. Believing the opposite, that it would be a breeze, and then running headfirst into the realization that it was not, was pretty painful. But I got over it eventually.
Months ago, we'd gone over our lists of needs and wants with our realtor. We talked about the big picture; the right number of bedrooms, bathrooms, style and age of house, price... But she also asked us about the little things. Our own little idiosyncrasies that would make or break our love affair with a house. You know, we like white trim not wood stained trim, hardwood not carpet, sunshine not coziness, half day kindergarten not full day...
Can you see where this is going? I mean, WHO CARES about half day kindergarten? Nobody! Everyone would put their kid in full day if they could, right? It gives the kid a leg up and gives mom and dad less to worry about during daylight hours. What crazy person wouldn't want full day kindergarten?
Um, that would be *me* sheepishly raising my hand.
For moms like me, whose philosophy is that early learning is done best through CHILD'S PLAY, not through SCHOOLWORK...full day mainstreaming of our little ones, like funneling sheep into a pen, is just not what we're after. I know that I have to give in to the system at some point. I've researched and pondered alternative learning methods for a very long time; from homeschooling to Montessori, from Reggio Emilia to Waldorf to unschooling. And what I've determined is that I do want my children involved in and a part of mainstream society. Going on the bus to the neighborhood school, seeing their neighborhood friends there, growing up alongside their peers like most children do and have done for decades.
But I will not give my children over to that system until I have had MY TURN to influence and enrich their early learning experiences, to give them a foundation that I believe sparks their imagination, curiosity and eagerness to learn in a way that standardized schoolwork does not. This is why I have deliberately kept my kids out of preschool until age 3 or 4 and have only let them go to preschool for 2-3 mornings per week. Enough to have fun, socialize and practice being good little citizens of the world, but still leaving them with me most of the time.
This is why I support half day kindergarten. As proven to me in my own school district, which offers both full and half day programs - the longer programs don't add any extra learning in, they simply add more free time in. Lunch, recess, a second snack, rest time, and free play. That, plus 3 hours of instruction time equals a full school day.
But *I* want to feed my kid lunch. *I* want to enjoy that snack with them and *I* want to let THEM choose what they want to do for free play. Shall we make fairy castles in the back yard, or fashion a zip line for our teddy bears? Or maybe we could have an hour long swim in the tub or visit a park or playground? Or maybe just lounge on the couch in our jammies and watch TV?
I chose to become a mother because I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! There is nothing more fun than watching them grow and learn and play and love and laugh. I have waited since I was a child myself to grow up and have babies and love them and relive the joy of childhood with them. And it's over all too soon. Five years just isn't enough time!
Being as neurotic as I am, I asked about this months ago and was assured that half day kindergarten would not be a problem. Not all schools in Illinois offer FULL day, but all most certainly offer half day.
Expectations, see?
So when my sister said in passing last week that she'd been on the web site of the school for our Chicagoland house and it didn't seem that they offered half day, I tried to brush it off, like "No problem, my realtor assured me there would be a half day option..." But inside, my stomach was turning. I didn't even want to make the phone call that I knew would give me a firm answer on the subject because I didn't want to know. Denial - the grownup equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "lalalalalalalalala I can't heeeeaaarrrrr you!!!"
So today..... I called..... Full day..... 100%..... No choice.
The ENTIRE district went full day 2 years ago. Would have been good to know this before we bought a house there, seeing as how houses two miles to the west or five miles to the north are in other districts that do have half day kindergarten. Not to say that we would have made a different choice, we may have chosen Frank regardless (because that Frank, he's a beaute!), but it would have been an actual CHOICE, and expectations would have been set correctly.
Now we have to choose between the lesser of two evils:
Choice A:
Public, full-day kindergarten that neither Miss M. nor I are prepared for, but that would allow her to ride the bus with her big brother. Being a flexible sort of kid, she'd probably roll with it. Not being so flexible myself, I would have to force myself to roll with it like a square log down a bumpy hill.
Choice B:
Private, half-day kindergarten that will require Miss M. to be separated from her brother and to switch schools both this year AND next, when she enters first grade. First choice thus far would be a 'Reggio-inspired' learning center 3 miles down the road.
Frankly, neither choice is working for me right now, so luckily I've got 8 weeks before I have to choose. Hopefully I can keep my tears in check and my heart out of my throat until then.
Part of me (the dramatic, illogical part) is wondering if maybe this whole entire adventure is designed to help me cope better with unanticipated challenges. If not, it sure is doing a great job of it as a side effect. I would SO not be a good contestant on one of those reality game shows that thrives on surprise challenges. I'd be the first survivor voted the heck off the island!
And surely, I'd be thrilled to get shipped home!
Or maybe that's just me?
Had I known ahead of time how challenging the house hunt would prove, I would have been able to steel myself for it and make the best of it. Believing the opposite, that it would be a breeze, and then running headfirst into the realization that it was not, was pretty painful. But I got over it eventually.
Months ago, we'd gone over our lists of needs and wants with our realtor. We talked about the big picture; the right number of bedrooms, bathrooms, style and age of house, price... But she also asked us about the little things. Our own little idiosyncrasies that would make or break our love affair with a house. You know, we like white trim not wood stained trim, hardwood not carpet, sunshine not coziness, half day kindergarten not full day...
Can you see where this is going? I mean, WHO CARES about half day kindergarten? Nobody! Everyone would put their kid in full day if they could, right? It gives the kid a leg up and gives mom and dad less to worry about during daylight hours. What crazy person wouldn't want full day kindergarten?
Um, that would be *me* sheepishly raising my hand.
For moms like me, whose philosophy is that early learning is done best through CHILD'S PLAY, not through SCHOOLWORK...full day mainstreaming of our little ones, like funneling sheep into a pen, is just not what we're after. I know that I have to give in to the system at some point. I've researched and pondered alternative learning methods for a very long time; from homeschooling to Montessori, from Reggio Emilia to Waldorf to unschooling. And what I've determined is that I do want my children involved in and a part of mainstream society. Going on the bus to the neighborhood school, seeing their neighborhood friends there, growing up alongside their peers like most children do and have done for decades.
But I will not give my children over to that system until I have had MY TURN to influence and enrich their early learning experiences, to give them a foundation that I believe sparks their imagination, curiosity and eagerness to learn in a way that standardized schoolwork does not. This is why I have deliberately kept my kids out of preschool until age 3 or 4 and have only let them go to preschool for 2-3 mornings per week. Enough to have fun, socialize and practice being good little citizens of the world, but still leaving them with me most of the time.
This is why I support half day kindergarten. As proven to me in my own school district, which offers both full and half day programs - the longer programs don't add any extra learning in, they simply add more free time in. Lunch, recess, a second snack, rest time, and free play. That, plus 3 hours of instruction time equals a full school day.
But *I* want to feed my kid lunch. *I* want to enjoy that snack with them and *I* want to let THEM choose what they want to do for free play. Shall we make fairy castles in the back yard, or fashion a zip line for our teddy bears? Or maybe we could have an hour long swim in the tub or visit a park or playground? Or maybe just lounge on the couch in our jammies and watch TV?
I chose to become a mother because I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! There is nothing more fun than watching them grow and learn and play and love and laugh. I have waited since I was a child myself to grow up and have babies and love them and relive the joy of childhood with them. And it's over all too soon. Five years just isn't enough time!
Being as neurotic as I am, I asked about this months ago and was assured that half day kindergarten would not be a problem. Not all schools in Illinois offer FULL day, but all most certainly offer half day.
Expectations, see?
So when my sister said in passing last week that she'd been on the web site of the school for our Chicagoland house and it didn't seem that they offered half day, I tried to brush it off, like "No problem, my realtor assured me there would be a half day option..." But inside, my stomach was turning. I didn't even want to make the phone call that I knew would give me a firm answer on the subject because I didn't want to know. Denial - the grownup equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "lalalalalalalalala I can't heeeeaaarrrrr you!!!"
So today..... I called..... Full day..... 100%..... No choice.
The ENTIRE district went full day 2 years ago. Would have been good to know this before we bought a house there, seeing as how houses two miles to the west or five miles to the north are in other districts that do have half day kindergarten. Not to say that we would have made a different choice, we may have chosen Frank regardless (because that Frank, he's a beaute!), but it would have been an actual CHOICE, and expectations would have been set correctly.
Now we have to choose between the lesser of two evils:
Choice A:
Public, full-day kindergarten that neither Miss M. nor I are prepared for, but that would allow her to ride the bus with her big brother. Being a flexible sort of kid, she'd probably roll with it. Not being so flexible myself, I would have to force myself to roll with it like a square log down a bumpy hill.
Choice B:
Private, half-day kindergarten that will require Miss M. to be separated from her brother and to switch schools both this year AND next, when she enters first grade. First choice thus far would be a 'Reggio-inspired' learning center 3 miles down the road.
Frankly, neither choice is working for me right now, so luckily I've got 8 weeks before I have to choose. Hopefully I can keep my tears in check and my heart out of my throat until then.
Part of me (the dramatic, illogical part) is wondering if maybe this whole entire adventure is designed to help me cope better with unanticipated challenges. If not, it sure is doing a great job of it as a side effect. I would SO not be a good contestant on one of those reality game shows that thrives on surprise challenges. I'd be the first survivor voted the heck off the island!
And surely, I'd be thrilled to get shipped home!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Goodbye Notes
Tonight I had to write this note....
Dear Mrs. McCarthy,
The day I had to put my firstborn on the bus for the first time 3 years ago...I was terrified! He'd never even been in my sister's car, how could I let him go on some scary bus driven by a person I'd never met!?
For three years, you've brought him home to us, safe and sound, and goodness knows how you do it with the circus of childhood going on behind you!
Next September, we won't be here to put him on the bus, but I hope these daylilies will remind you of him and how grateful we are for the wonderful job you've done.
Thank you and Goodbye!
Beth M.
Wow, goodbyes stink! And this was only the bus driver. I'm going to have to invest in some of the good Kleenex, and maybe some waterproof mascara.
Dear Mrs. McCarthy,
The day I had to put my firstborn on the bus for the first time 3 years ago...I was terrified! He'd never even been in my sister's car, how could I let him go on some scary bus driven by a person I'd never met!?
For three years, you've brought him home to us, safe and sound, and goodness knows how you do it with the circus of childhood going on behind you!
Next September, we won't be here to put him on the bus, but I hope these daylilies will remind you of him and how grateful we are for the wonderful job you've done.
Thank you and Goodbye!
Beth M.
Wow, goodbyes stink! And this was only the bus driver. I'm going to have to invest in some of the good Kleenex, and maybe some waterproof mascara.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
And the Winner Is...and this time I mean it!
Meet Frank. He's swell. He's our new house. He's pretty spiffy. So spiffy in fact that I almost don't remember how hot under the collar I got over him yesterday. And I almost don't feel like I went to Target for tights and cereal and somehow spent $200 on a few odds and ends. Wink.
So yeah, yeah, enough with the words, I know! On with the slide show...
Frank is awfully kind on the eyes, but the best part is that he's the cheapest house in a luxury neighborhood, so hopefully it's a good investment in addition to being a great place to make a home. It's also the ONLY luxury neighborhood we saw with kids coming out of the woodwork and minivans in driveways. That was my barometer for how "kid friendly" a neighborhood was, lol! I already have a friend picked out for Miss M. and there are three boys across the street for Frick and Frack to play with.
There's a farmstand on the corner, a school bus for the neighborhood, and under 1 mile away are the nation's #1 rated library, grammy and arts award winning high school, and top rated elementary school (like ten out of ten stars - can you beat that?) Oh, and it has a CLIMBING WALL on it's playground and a "Safety Patrol Club". Which might be of interest to a certain 7 year old who has run his own "Recess Patrol" operation with a volunteer staff of 25 for the last school year.
Just sayin'. To invoke Annie, I think we're gonna like it here. :)
So yeah, yeah, enough with the words, I know! On with the slide show...
Frank is awfully kind on the eyes, but the best part is that he's the cheapest house in a luxury neighborhood, so hopefully it's a good investment in addition to being a great place to make a home. It's also the ONLY luxury neighborhood we saw with kids coming out of the woodwork and minivans in driveways. That was my barometer for how "kid friendly" a neighborhood was, lol! I already have a friend picked out for Miss M. and there are three boys across the street for Frick and Frack to play with.
There's a farmstand on the corner, a school bus for the neighborhood, and under 1 mile away are the nation's #1 rated library, grammy and arts award winning high school, and top rated elementary school (like ten out of ten stars - can you beat that?) Oh, and it has a CLIMBING WALL on it's playground and a "Safety Patrol Club". Which might be of interest to a certain 7 year old who has run his own "Recess Patrol" operation with a volunteer staff of 25 for the last school year.
Just sayin'. To invoke Annie, I think we're gonna like it here. :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
We Got It!!!
Okay, so besides the fact that I'm more than irked at the way this went down and feel like at best we were marginalized and at worst we were blatantly HAD....
And besides the fact that events conspired to push us into a price range that I was not altogether comfortable with...
And besides the fact that I will for the forseeable future be counting our purchase price in "wells I could have sponsored in Africa"...
WE GOT IT!!!!
And besides the fact that events conspired to push us into a price range that I was not altogether comfortable with...
And besides the fact that I will for the forseeable future be counting our purchase price in "wells I could have sponsored in Africa"...
WE GOT IT!!!!
WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!
I promise I'll introduce you tomorrow. For now (yawn) all the drama has made this mama sleepy.
I promise I'll introduce you tomorrow. For now (yawn) all the drama has made this mama sleepy.
BUGGERS!
So I've been laying low and not posting because I didn't want to jump the gun like last time. Marc fell in love with a house from our recent tour de force and though it didn't meet all of my criteria, it met enough that I could give it a thumbs up with a clear conscience. No tears this time!
So we made an offer! But then they ignored us. Our realtor started to get nervous, thinking that they might be stalling, waiting for another offer to come in so they could pit us against each other.
And she was right. An hour ago she got the call giving us THREE HOURS to respond with our "best and final offer".
So now, instead of telling us to offer 90%-95% of asking price, she's advising us to offer 100%-105% of asking. Which puts us ABOVE our budget ceiling. We can make it work, using some of our retirement savings to bulk up our downpayment, keeping our mortgage payment as it would have been. But still, if we were in that price range to begin with, how would this house compare?
I want to vomit. There's nothing worse than bad karma, and this has bad karma ALL OVER IT like cat poop.
If we DO offer asking price or above, and we get it, will we forever have a bad taste in our mouths? Conversely, if we offer UNDER asking price and lose it, and end up renting for goodness knows how long and then re-moving within the same year (at our own expense) will we be kicking ourselves for being idealistic and not realistic?
In the end, we need a place to live, and these buggers have us over a barrel. T minus 90 minutes to make a decision...
So we made an offer! But then they ignored us. Our realtor started to get nervous, thinking that they might be stalling, waiting for another offer to come in so they could pit us against each other.
And she was right. An hour ago she got the call giving us THREE HOURS to respond with our "best and final offer".
So now, instead of telling us to offer 90%-95% of asking price, she's advising us to offer 100%-105% of asking. Which puts us ABOVE our budget ceiling. We can make it work, using some of our retirement savings to bulk up our downpayment, keeping our mortgage payment as it would have been. But still, if we were in that price range to begin with, how would this house compare?
I want to vomit. There's nothing worse than bad karma, and this has bad karma ALL OVER IT like cat poop.
If we DO offer asking price or above, and we get it, will we forever have a bad taste in our mouths? Conversely, if we offer UNDER asking price and lose it, and end up renting for goodness knows how long and then re-moving within the same year (at our own expense) will we be kicking ourselves for being idealistic and not realistic?
In the end, we need a place to live, and these buggers have us over a barrel. T minus 90 minutes to make a decision...
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