Dashing Expectations and the Full Day/Half Day Debate

It comes down to this - when you have certain expectations, and then they prove to be false, it's MUCH harder to cope with them, than if correct expectations were there in the first place.

Or maybe that's just me?

Had I known ahead of time how challenging the house hunt would prove, I would have been able to steel myself for it and make the best of it. Believing the opposite, that it would be a breeze, and then running headfirst into the realization that it was not, was pretty painful. But I got over it eventually.

Months ago, we'd gone over our lists of needs and wants with our realtor. We talked about the big picture; the right number of bedrooms, bathrooms, style and age of house, price... But she also asked us about the little things. Our own little idiosyncrasies that would make or break our love affair with a house. You know, we like white trim not wood stained trim, hardwood not carpet, sunshine not coziness, half day kindergarten not full day...

Can you see where this is going? I mean, WHO CARES about half day kindergarten? Nobody! Everyone would put their kid in full day if they could, right? It gives the kid a leg up and gives mom and dad less to worry about during daylight hours. What crazy person wouldn't want full day kindergarten?

Um, that would be *me* sheepishly raising my hand.

For moms like me, whose philosophy is that early learning is done best through CHILD'S PLAY, not through SCHOOLWORK...full day mainstreaming of our little ones, like funneling sheep into a pen, is just not what we're after. I know that I have to give in to the system at some point. I've researched and pondered alternative learning methods for a very long time; from homeschooling to Montessori, from Reggio Emilia to Waldorf to unschooling. And what I've determined is that I do want my children involved in and a part of mainstream society. Going on the bus to the neighborhood school, seeing their neighborhood friends there, growing up alongside their peers like most children do and have done for decades.

But I will not give my children over to that system until I have had MY TURN to influence and enrich their early learning experiences, to give them a foundation that I believe sparks their imagination, curiosity and eagerness to learn in a way that standardized schoolwork does not. This is why I have deliberately kept my kids out of preschool until age 3 or 4 and have only let them go to preschool for 2-3 mornings per week. Enough to have fun, socialize and practice being good little citizens of the world, but still leaving them with me most of the time.

This is why I support half day kindergarten. As proven to me in my own school district, which offers both full and half day programs - the longer programs don't add any extra learning in, they simply add more free time in. Lunch, recess, a second snack, rest time, and free play. That, plus 3 hours of instruction time equals a full school day.

But *I* want to feed my kid lunch. *I* want to enjoy that snack with them and *I* want to let THEM choose what they want to do for free play. Shall we make fairy castles in the back yard, or fashion a zip line for our teddy bears? Or maybe we could have an hour long swim in the tub or visit a park or playground? Or maybe just lounge on the couch in our jammies and watch TV?

I chose to become a mother because I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! There is nothing more fun than watching them grow and learn and play and love and laugh. I have waited since I was a child myself to grow up and have babies and love them and relive the joy of childhood with them. And it's over all too soon. Five years just isn't enough time!

Being as neurotic as I am, I asked about this months ago and was assured that half day kindergarten would not be a problem. Not all schools in Illinois offer FULL day, but all most certainly offer half day.

Expectations, see?

So when my sister said in passing last week that she'd been on the web site of the school for our Chicagoland house and it didn't seem that they offered half day, I tried to brush it off, like "No problem, my realtor assured me there would be a half day option..." But inside, my stomach was turning. I didn't even want to make the phone call that I knew would give me a firm answer on the subject because I didn't want to know. Denial - the grownup equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "lalalalalalalalala I can't heeeeaaarrrrr you!!!"

So today..... I called..... Full day..... 100%..... No choice.

The ENTIRE district went full day 2 years ago. Would have been good to know this before we bought a house there, seeing as how houses two miles to the west or five miles to the north are in other districts that do have half day kindergarten. Not to say that we would have made a different choice, we may have chosen Frank regardless (because that Frank, he's a beaute!), but it would have been an actual CHOICE, and expectations would have been set correctly.

Now we have to choose between the lesser of two evils:

Choice A:
Public, full-day kindergarten that neither Miss M. nor I are prepared for, but that would allow her to ride the bus with her big brother. Being a flexible sort of kid, she'd probably roll with it. Not being so flexible myself, I would have to force myself to roll with it like a square log down a bumpy hill.

Choice B:
Private, half-day kindergarten that will require Miss M. to be separated from her brother and to switch schools both this year AND next, when she enters first grade. First choice thus far would be a 'Reggio-inspired' learning center 3 miles down the road.

Frankly, neither choice is working for me right now, so luckily I've got 8 weeks before I have to choose. Hopefully I can keep my tears in check and my heart out of my throat until then.

Part of me (the dramatic, illogical part) is wondering if maybe this whole entire adventure is designed to help me cope better with unanticipated challenges. If not, it sure is doing a great job of it as a side effect. I would SO not be a good contestant on one of those reality game shows that thrives on surprise challenges. I'd be the first survivor voted the heck off the island!

And surely, I'd be thrilled to get shipped home!